Brian and Julia approach a house and knock on its door
Julia: Hi, is this Emily Rogers, husband of Jonathan, former foreman at the metal flattening plant?
Emily: Yes, Jon is my husband, but I think you’re mistaken-- He’s still the foreman.
Julia: Actually ma’am that’s why we’re here. There was a horrible, horrible accident and Jonathan was tragically killed.
Brian makes squishing sounds and grinds his hands together
Emily: What!?
Brian: It was DISGUSTING!
Julia: Just hideous.
Brian: If there’s a more brutal, painful way to die I’d like to see it. But I want you to know, Emily, that Jonathan died bravely.
Julia: Bravely? I’ve never heard screams like that, nothing even approaching.
Brian: It’s just something you say. Besides, he may very well have been being bave. Come to think of it with that level of unspeakable pain a lesser man might have screamed even more!
Julia: I don’t know about that. At some point there is a physical limit to how loud and how piercing a human’s screams can be, and I think by the time his hair got caught his ability to demonstrate suffering was running at max power. Were he able there’s no doubt in my mind he’d have pushed that sucker to eleven.
Brian: That’s a fair point, we kind of hit uncharted territory there…
Brian and Julia turn back to Emily
Julia: Emily, I have to say you are taking this INCREDIBLY well!
Brian: Yeah… I kind of thought you’d be really upset. Are you sure you understand just how bad this was?
Julia: The part with the eyes, ugh--
Emily: I understand… And couldn’t be happier! You see, Jon used to hit me. Hit our boy. He said if I ever left him he’d kill me. I can’t believe it, we are finally free!
Brian: Well… that’s… wonderful then!
Julia: I hate to be a negative Nancy here, but this actually might work out well for Jonathan. Instead of suffering in hell ‘till the end of time he’s going to be thinking of how much better eternal damnation is than the last agonizing hours of his life.
Emily: Hours?
Brian: It was DISGUSTING!
Julia: Just hideous…
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